Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.
Lily Tomlin
For fast-acting relief try slowing down.
Lily Tomlin
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.
Lily Tomlin
I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.
Lily Tomlin
I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.
Lily Tomlin
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
Lily Tomlin
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin
If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.
Lily Tomlin
Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.
Lily Tomlin
It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.
Lily Tomlin
No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.
Lily Tomlin
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Lily Tomlin
Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.
Lily Tomlin
Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
Lily Tomlin
Remember we're all in this alone.
Lily Tomlin
Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.
Lily Tomlin
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
Lily Tomlin
The best mind-altering drug is the truth.
Lily Tomlin
The problem with winning the rat race is you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
The road to success is always under construction.
Lily Tomlin
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.
Lily Tomlin
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
Lily Tomlin
We are all in this together, by ourselves.
Lily Tomlin
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
Lily Tomlin
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.
Lily Tomlin
We're all in this alone.
Lily Tomlin
What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.
Lily Tomlin
What is reality, anyway? Just a collective hunch.
Lily Tomlin
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
Lily Tomlin
Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
Lily Tomlin
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